You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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