i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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