I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
