Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
