I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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