careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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