It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
