I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
