Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
