Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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