wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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