I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
