so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
