I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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