i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
