i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
