Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
