I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
