My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
