Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
