honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
