Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
