you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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