Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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