a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
