The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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