well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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