hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
