Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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