And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
