looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
