I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
