I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
