fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
