oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
