Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
