pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
