I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
