i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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