i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
