God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
