There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
