i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
