I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
