She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
