Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
