life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
