Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
