i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
