some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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