The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
