We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I will pee on everything he values.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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