he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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