It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
