so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
