i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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