it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just cropdusted the office
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
