Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
