Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
